IC Select Darts Blog

We're back!

2007-07-02T17:02:00.001+01:00

it's been a while...

many things have happened...

now it's time to tell the world...

2006-05-12T14:05:00.000+01:00

Nemesis Blog

2006-03-20T11:28:00.000Z

I've found our nemesis blog!!!!!!

http://www.madebymojo.blogspot.com/

It's all too easy to succumb to the world of ladies knitting when you're a hardened darts player! Careful lads!

We need to make sure our blog stays on the straight and narrow path to 'ockey glory!

Mine's a Double

2006-03-14T16:33:00.000Z

Last night saw an amazingly close double's battle to see who will represent Selecta in the Double's Competition to be held next week. Go Rampage!

Our old favourite is now even better!

That's right: The Horse & Groom on Great Portland Street has a new board! Plus there was an addition next to the electronic scorer - a how to finish table. Fantastic! With nice cheap beer and lovely food we were onto another great Monday night.

First off we all downed an initial pint to summon up the gut's to persuade Dave to move some locals out the way so we could play. Cheers Devastating.

Next came the complicated part - how to choose the pairings. Random? Everyone choose? No-way. With 6 of us there: Naked, Rampage, Gigolo, Bags, Devastating & Houses we went for the well known triple-way cross-over round-robin into final standard tournament.

Stage 1:

The first stage involved spitting into two groups of 3. Via a high-quality bull-off we had in group 1:

Rampage
Gigolo
Devastating

and in group 2:

Bags
Naked
Houses

In each group the players played each other twice (home & away) at 401. The singles games were of a good standard with Rampage hitting a 138 High Score, Bags a 97 Checkout and best-of-all Gigolo a 3 Low Score.

The results were as follows - No. of games won and then points against decided the order.

Group 1:

Rampage - 3 wins 1 loss
Gigolo - 2 wins 2 losses
Devastating - 1 win 3 losses

Group 2:

Naked - 3 wins 1 loss
Bags - 3 wins 1 loss
Houses - 4 losses

Some surprise results there! It should be pointed out that all the games were pretty close. Great fun. Devastating's form was all over the place with him crashing to third place!

At that point Psyche turned up to make the evening even more complicated: 7 players - what do we do? We had decided that the third place people in each group would form one pair. There was going to be a playoff between them and Psyce to decide but at that point Houses called it a day.

Sadly the 4 losses had taken it's toll and Houses was still clearly recovering from the Houses House House party from the previous weekend. With so many women turning up to it, Will was quite exhausted by the end apparently!

Therefore the bottom pair was decided: Devastating & Psyche.

I hope everyone is keeping up with the selection process. It's all very simple.

Stage 2:

The next stage involved the first vs second playoffs to decided the top pair and middle pair. Each game was a single leg 401.

Rampage vs Bags

Another close game saw Rampage getting the double very quickly. No messing.

Naked vs Gigolo

Gigolo showed some good form to take the victory.

So we had our other two pairings:

Top pair: Rampage & Gigolo
Middle pair: Naked & Bags

Stage 3:

Finally we were able to have the round-robin doubles tournament. Best-of-3 301.

Match 1:

Naked & Bags vs Rampage & Gigolo

A close couple of games saw Bags & Naked (with a nice 3 darter) bag the two doubles to take the match 2-0.

Match 2:

Devastating & Psyche vs Naked & Bags

Aftre being very confident about their finishing all night long Bags and Psyche fell to Earth. Dave and Mark winning 2-0. Nice.

Match 3:

Rampage & Gigolo vs Devastating & Psyche

An on fire and determined display saw Rampage and Gigolo win 2-0. All that the other pair had to do was get one leg but no! With the pressure on the Rampage & Gigolo showed their stuff (not literally).

Crazy! We had a tie! How to decide which pairs should be in the final? Gigolo knew: The famous 6 darter! Drawing random turns to throw everyone threw 3 darts and the pairs added the total together. It got to the point that Naked & Bags were safely through and Rampage was left with the final throw. He had to get 33 or higher to put Devastating and Psyche out. But disaster! First throw: 2 Second throw: 1. At this point no-one could quite believe it with most people having to sit down they were laughing so hard. A valiant last throw at the bull saw Rampage hit the outer ring: 25. It was a sad way to drop out and see Selecta's No 1 miss out - but he has got the high score trophy to collect next week!

The Final:

With 10 minutes to go and some spectators (2 guys who came along to play table footy but were so impressed they stopped to watch!) watching it was time for the final (at last). It was to be Best-of-3 301.

Naked & Bags vs Devastating & Psyche:

Once again Bags & Naked just couldn't find there doubles that had come so easily earlier in the evening. With Bags sure it was something to do with 5 pints and not his ability he forgot that they had already lost 2 legs thinking there was one more left! Pathetic. A close D1 battle was well taken by Psyche and Dave. Well played lads. We'll be cheering you on next week!

song and dance

2006-02-14T13:25:00.000Z

Hello and welcome to the match report for the 6th Feb.

This week, through the magic of modern technology, the match has added sound. Each player, as well as the team as a whole, gets a theme-tune to walk in to. Left, Dave helps the United bods out on the sound desk.

Thanks to the long-awaited return of selecta star-player bendelayo, this evening's team is 8-strong. A bully-off sees psyche excluded from the singles due to landing his dart beyond the doubles outer-orbit. Above right, the playing order is worked out.

sixes

psyche, houses, bendelayo, devastating, gigolo & bags stand up for Selecta. The team enters to the strains of craig david: "the crowd says 'bo, seleeecta!". The rivals, United, have 'some track from a trance compilation' as their theme.

Early on in the game houses manages to back-end his own dart. Remarkable, but it doesn't count towards the score due to some pithy technicality about the dart actually having to be in contact with the board. 35 scored. boo.

With consistent high-scores from devastating and a mid-game 100 from bendelayo, selecta is soon down to 3 to finish. houses fluffs his opportunity, busting with a premature D1 with his first dart. ben gets the 1, leaving a madhouse finish which gigolo gets.

doubles

bendelayo and psyche:
1st leg: A fast game, this: down to a 16 finish in 4 darts. pscyhe clinches the game with a D1 finish.
2nd leg: the guys don't hang about this time either. Selecta is quickly down to D2, and again psyche obliges.

bags and houses:
1st leg: starts badly with a 10 thrown by houses. Further poor darts leave the selecta boys still on 102 when united checks out.
2nd leg: houses likes the number 10 this evening; he scores another 10 to open this leg. Despite some recovery work by Bags (another 100 scored mid-game) this one goes to United too.

warrior and rampage:
1st leg: game proceeds swiftly down to 16, then 8: warrior finishes it with a D1followed by a D3.
2nd leg: rampage checks out on a D4. He modestly protests "I fucked around a bit [on the way down]".

triples

psyche gigolo bendelayo:
The match reporter was largely distracted during this
game by some Very Important Questions:

Which station name occurs in both the london
underground and the paris metro (with the same spelling)?
Which london underground station has six consecutive consonants in its name?
What is the rudest station in brussels?
Which two football players have played in the 4 biggest uk derbies?
(answers will be posted on this blog sometime)

they lost the triples.

devastating warrior rampage
dave makes a healthy start with a 72.

Another Very Important Question:
Which two uk hit records sold over a million but never got to no. 1?

Warrior checks out on madhouse to win the triples game. Says it only took them "about 300 darts".

singles:

houses
Plagued by low scores all evening, the singles match proves troublesome for Houses. Quickly falling behind, he perseveres, getting down to a D20 finish, but his opponent checks out first on a D2. Houses blames his poor performance on the accidental purchase of a disablingly strong beverage earlier on in the evening: the guest ale "A over T" weighs in at a scary 9%.

bags
bags loses! opponent checks out with a smart, two-dart, 19 D19 combination.

rampage
close finish - victory to rampage in the end with a D4 check-out.

devastating
close finale in this game. dave almost checks out with 60 to go, getting 20 and 20, but just landing the wrong side of the D10 wire. The tension is heightened by the drum and bass playing in the background. Dave manages to overcome distractions to check out on D2!!!

warrior
ted's opponent has a chance at a 133 finish, but hits 140. The game is eventually lost with a D14 check-out going to the opposition.

we're 6 games to 5 up at this point.

gigolo
the match is lost to the ginger bloke from united.

Now it's 6 all. It's all to play for.

captain's match:

dave loses both legs. que pena!

..and the match is lost :-( But selecta doesn't go home empty handed! A recent change in the rules means the losing team gets a bonus point if they lose 6-7. Huzzah! (BTW, despite what it looks like, I'm not wearing a party-hat in the photo below.)

Kenergy's Textbook

2006-01-24T16:33:00.000Z

A new year and an opposing team have the gall to develop nicknames....mind you Bodger and Understacker aren't really on the same scale as...er...Bags and Houses.

After the oppo completed their three hour warm up the sixes were lukewarmly contested by Selecta as scores of 5 (Bags) and 3 (Kenergy...though it did include a treble!) meant we were down straight away as Weekes amassed impressive three dart totals of 121 and...2.

Weekes 1-0 Selecta

A bully off on Warriors arrival sees Gigolo miss out (as usual when he makes the journey over from 'Kent') of the trebles and a hilarious dart leaves Bags out of the doubles.

The first trebles match saw Houses, Kenergy and Rampage...er...rampage their way to victory. I'm not sure what was more odd in this match - Kenergy's pint location during throws atop the doorframe or his 'textbook' 68 checkout....1, treble 19, double 5...he "likes to include a 1" apparently.

Weekes 1-1 Selecta

Then a trail of woe...

An uneventful second trebles match is lost by Devastating, Bags and Warrior amidst tales of how Warrior's flatmate has left and his girlfriend has left the country as she is an illegal immigrant (Its amazing he was able to concentrate enough on his bicycle journey to the pub to be able to balance some chilli and rice on a plastic plate)

The first doubles match included Devastating's suggestion that Gigolo should set one of the darts boys up with his sister (a lesbian). And Rampage calling for Kenergy to go for "treble 18, treble 18" only for Ken to find the double 17 bed. Unfortunately Dave's Bullseye for throw in the deciding third leg was cancelled out when he later got 8 and Weekes triumphed.

The second doubles match was also a home victory and was hailed with a squeal of excitement from one of Weekes' members...which is hard to understand seeing as Gigolo and Houses 'competed' with consistent three dart scores of 15, 11, 10 and 9.

Weekes 4-1 Selecta

Some serious singing for Warrior sparked a slight recovery as Rampage displayed magnificence with a 102 checkout of 20, treble 14, double top...topping his earlier season 101. A bonus point will surely be forthcoming...

Weekes 4-2 Selecta

Then the singles...

Ken got whooped by Ginger and Will narrowly lost to the fella who continually punched his chest in celebration during the evening...is he an ape?

Weekes 6-2 Selecta

A recovery was called for and began in a tight game between Gigolo and the most awkward action in the history of darts (new oppo nickname: Awkward)...a double three finishing it off. Devastating, in the words of Bags, "whipped" Understacker and Warrior brought us to within one with a first class three dart finish on 45 (though the oppo still being on 170 at the death didn't reveal the 967 bounce outs he had during the match.

Weekes 6-5 Selecta

Just the captains match and, prior to that, the final singles match to go...and who would you want playing in that very match...the man himself...Bags.

In a great match against Rufus, despite consistently finding the treble 20 and painfully close shots at double 16 for the tie, Bags failed to keep the recovery going as Dufus finished with a double 15.

Weekes 7-5 Selecta

Only the captains match to come and a solid display and 60 checkout from Devastating clinched a bonus point for only losing the match by one.

Final score
Weekes 7-6 Selecta

And there it is, Gigolo left for the English Channel enjoying his mini roll and contemplating the night's match and how Awkward, Dufus, an Ape and a ginger guy who never once untucked his t-shirt from his jeans during the entire night could have beaten Selecta. They did play well though.

Next time we may just have to bring in our secret weapon...and I'm not talking about Bags' clone...

Singles Competition (part 2) - Bags 2 Pounds Worth!

2005-12-20T17:22:00.000Z

Thanks to Teddybear for his fine first post.

Alas I (Bags) did lose my second game with a truelly dismal display.

In the 3rd match Bags was up against Tim from the HC. A much better performance saw Bags take the only leg off the eventual winner all night long. With all 3 games having a first go 3 dart finish the standard was pretty good and he managed a 60 checkout all be it to no avail...

With just pride to play for the final game was against Duncan of ORCS. Thankfully Bags regained some respect with another 2-0 victory including another 3 dart 50s checkout!

And amazingly Bags took runners-up place with 2 wins and 2 losses with a better leg difference than the others he tied with on games won.

His prize - his 2 pounds entry fee back.

Woohoo!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas Selecta and a Happy New Year!

Singles Competition

2005-12-20T15:03:00.000Z

So the evening finally arrived that the mighty Bags would represent IC Select.

As you can see he was rather happy about this fact. His strict diet, of mini cheddars, had him at the peak of physical fitness and raring to go for the big match. There was some confusion over the start of the game as one team had dropped out and so the original format had changed to a round robin basis.

Very vocal support gave Bags the edge against the opposition and inspired him to a rather magnificent 93 checkout (trebble 19, double 18 fact fans), which gave rise to much whooping and hollering.

He won 2-0 i think. The team, as not playing, were somewhat lax in their attention to the actual match and were more closely focused on the mini cheddar, crisp and nut mountain that was being attempted as part of a world gluttony challenge. See http://www.ifoce.com/ for full details on the range of challeneges out there for anyone bold enough.

Once having won our champion assumed a similar pose to previously. Like a Shaolin monk conserving his energy before a lethal strike.

Sadly I had to leave after the next game, which he lost 2-0....a further update to come soon from someone else!

ICSelect Singles Champ Competition 05-06

2005-12-19T01:17:00.000Z

ICSelect finally managed to get themselves organised enough to have the winter league Singles team Champion competition.

I'd like to say that the competition was a fierce bruising encounter amongst every member of ICSelect which would have made Phil "The Power" Taylor tremble! - Yeah you got it: More like Sunderland vs WBA on the attendence and excitement stakes!

A sorry 4 of us made it to the Horse and Groom to battle it out for team Champ. With various members away with reasons like "I'm too sore to play" it was left to just Bags, Warrior, Naked and Houses to decide who would be Champ.

With the pub lacking any sort of atmosphere we got our own little All play All comp running.

The one good thing was the Electronic Scoreboard (But not for us Dart's Scoring purists - they make Crisp cry as he can't score)

Game 1: Warrior vs Naked

At one point Naked was 200 up but then went crazy and kept busting on high scores. He almost threw it away but came through with a D4 co.

Game 2: Bags vs Houses

A close game that Bags took his eye off. Quite literally on Houses' finish! A superb D6, 3, D6 finish.

Game 3: Houses vs Naked

Another close game (due mainly by the generally standard of all the evening's games being so dire that we had all sunk to a truelly below-breakfast level) saw Houses take his second victory with a D8 co.

Game 4: Warrior vs Bags

Bags recovered to win with a D4 co. - The checkouts were now at that level and didn't improve either!

Game 5: Bags vs Naked

Another victory for Bags this time on D2.

Warrior practicing.

Game 6: Warrior vs Houses

With 2 victories already all that "Safe-as" had to do was win to be Champion. However, before this game Tedi had actually been practicing! It paid off with a D2 co for Warrior.

Final All play All scores:

Houses - 2
Bags - 2
Naked - 1
Warrior - 1

Therefore, Warrior had given Bags a chance to pinch victory of of Houses with a Play-off decider between the two.

Play-Off Decider - Bags vs Houses:

Another close game saw the scores at 112 each at one point. However, this time Bags got his revenge to become this season's ICSelect Champion.

Warrior shows what he thinks about the whole sorry affair!

As punishment I then had to write this report ;-) which I just managed to do before the League's singles final tomorrow evening!

Who's your daddy?

2005-12-15T11:25:00.000Z

This should be the new team uniform!

Where the hell are the match reports????!!!!!

2005-12-12T17:36:00.000Z

Dammit - I miss a couple of matches and slackness reigns! :-)

Well to catch up...

We were leading 6-3 against The Holland Club and tragically lost 6-7!!!!!!!!! Arrgh.

Following week we respectfully beat ORCS 11-4 I think...

So we are currently 2nd in the league...

In the meatime here's a couple of pictures of Crisp who we all miss...

Doh!

Selecta to take inspiration from football chants

2005-11-15T11:13:00.000Z

Read this email today and thought it was great, especially the Traore song. These are the type of taunts we need to be developing for our opposition. Any ideas stick them on the blog:

"Wheres your real dad, wheres your real dad!?"Charlton fans to Shaun Wright-Philips
***************************************

Toon fans to JF Hasselbaink. He even laughed!:
"You're just a fat Eddie Murphy"
***************************************

(To the tune of Craig David - Rewind):
"VAN PER-SIE, WHEN A GIRL SAYS NO - MOLEST HER"
***************************************

To Graham Rix when he was released from prison after being convictedfor, well, you know... (To the Manic Street Preachers song):
"If you tolerate RIX, then your children will be next"
****************************************

He's here, he's there
We're not allowed to swear
Frank Leboeuf, Frank Leboeuf
"Chelsea fans after Leboeuf said in a radio interview that he didn't likethe idea of a swear word in his song.
**************************************

A song about Tim Howard's tourettes syndrome.....in style of
Chim-Chiminey*
Tim timminy
Tim timminy
Tim Tim Tirooo
We've got Tim Howardand
he says F*CK YOU!!
***************************************

In reference to Jaime Carragher's dad being banned from football stadiaafter being arrested for being drunk at a football match..
He's red,
He's sound,
He's banned from every ground,
Carra's dad, Carra's dad
***************************************

Sung by Birmingham fans after Heskey started banging in the goals at StAndrews...
Theres only one Emile Heskey,
one Emile Heskey,
He used to be sh**e,
But now he's alright,
Walking in a Heskey wonderland
***************************************

Here's a beauty sung at Highbury when Cygan is drafted in asemergency cover...
He's bald,
He's sh*t,
He gets a game when no-one's fit,
Pascal Cygan!
Pascal Cygan!
***************************************

To the tune of Rebel RebelNeville Neville, you play in defence,
Neville Neville, your play is immense,
Neville Neville, like Jacko you're bad,
Neville Neville is the name of your dad
****************************************

Don't blame it on the Biscan,
Don't blame it on the Hamann,
Don't blame it on the Finnan,
Blame it on Traore,
He just can't, He just can't, He just can't control his feet.
*****************************************

To the tune of 'Lord of the Dance':Sung to Man utds Sun Ji ParkPark, Park,
whoever you may be,
You eat dogs in your own country,
But it could be worse,
You could be Scouse,
Eating rats in your council house.
*****************************************

To the tune of 'You are my Sunshine':
You are a Scouser,
an ugly Scouser,
You're only happy on Giro day,
Your Mum's out thieving,
Your Dad's drug-dealing,
Please don't take my hubcaps away

Selecta glory in victory over ICU kids

2005-11-11T18:07:00.000Z

Omphaloskepsis - The art of the contemplating one's navel

To whit, the bellybutton? Naked and exposed, this will go down as the match of the hairy umbilicus interruptus, or more specifically, Kenergy's remarkable stomach-Mohawk. As Selecta were under the cosh having made a poor start against a team of youngsters, we exposed our midriffs to determine the order of the bull-off and inadvertently altered the momentum of the match...

The line-up: Devastating, Rampage, Warrior, Houses, Kenergy, Naked (that's Magneto, re-christened after his namesake Jamie Oliver) and Psyche. Bags and his missus were missing while they made plans for their wedding ...

Round 1: Sixes - Things start off ugly, with Selecta scoring poorly. The youngest of the opposition team - Jake - scores a lowly 1. However, at a mere 5 months old he had a good excuse, unlike the ICS pensioners who were collectively worse. Ben hits a d8 winner for ICUnited. We didn't deserve to win that one, and we didn't win it.

Here's a little piccy of ICUnited, captain Kian third from right:

Selecta 0 - 1 ICU

Round 2: Threes no 1. Dev, Houses & Warrior. What can I say, but 'that was shite'? That was shite - we really need some inspiration. The opposition get a d13 checkout and ICS are looking down the barrel of a 0-2 deficit.

Selecta 0 - 2 ICU

Threes no 2. Naked, Kenergy & Rampage. Much better, we're starting to look like the scoring powerhouse that we know we're not. Rampage hits a ton, Naked an 81 and Kenergy hits 87, despite dropping one of his flights by the fag machine before chucking. Naked checks out with a d12. Apparently this is his first ever check-out- he celebrates by having a pork scratching dipped in shandy.

Selecta 1 - 2 ICU

Psyche turns up late after having sex with his boss. This requires a bull-off to determine who misses out on the doubles matches, but how do we decide the order? Someone shouts 'hairiest bellybutton' and soon we've all got our bellies out. Check out these washboard stomachs:

Ken wins by a country mile followed by Naked, Psyche, Houses, Rampage, Warrior and last and least-hairy, a pre-pubescent Devastating. Houses throws a shocker on the nearest-the-bull, so misses out on the doubles ...

Doubles 1. Kenergy & Naked win the first leg with a superb 20, d20 c/o for 60 by Oliver, who's starting to look like the complete player. Sadly his first throw in the following leg is a 2, and the opposition captain Kian checks out to make it 1-1. Kenergy bears the weight of expectation and hits a sweet 50 checkout to win the game.

Selecta 2-2 ICU

Double 2. Warrior & Rampage. This is more like it, Rampage is looking back to his old self and even Warrior scores well to leave a D18 c/o for Ramps. Then the ICU kids hit back with a d4 finish making it 1-1. But what's this in the third leg? Warrior is at the ockey on 64 and Rampage advises that he goes for 16s instead of 20s. Warrior heeds these words and hits 16,16 and d16 for a pb c/o.

Selecta 3-2 ICU

Double 3. Devastating and Psyche. Dave is on form now - with 104 left Psyche hits 97. Psyche you wally! That leaves 7, but Devastating checks out with a clinical 3, d2. Good work, Psyche. Next leg Dave hits a 48 c/0, 8, d5, d15. sweet, and all thanks to Psyche's tactics.

Selecta 4-2 ICU

Singles, singles. no1. Devastating looses out when his opponent hits a surprise checkout d11. Dave responds by buying every snack the bar has to offer. Scampi fries! I don't know what the fuck they *are*, but they're good.

Selecta 4-3 ICU

Singles no 2. Essex boy Rampage sporting a new fuzzy hairdo that makes him look almost as young as the ICU players is still in the mix despite it being 10:15 pm. This is because he's driving in his 'motor'. He doesn't drive a car, he drives a 'motor'. He's from Essex. After some tense gamesmanship he defeats Nij with a good d8, and victory nears for ICS.

Selecta 5-3 ICU

Singles no 3. Psyche draws a girl called Lucy. She's not the strongest player Psyche has come up against, and he's given an eternity to checkout on madhouse but no one is complaining as Selecta near victory and are still on for a bonus point to get us nearer to the Holland club cheats.

Selecta 6-3 ICU

Singles no 4. Though he's unlucky as he goes just the wrong side of the wire on the d8, Houses looses to a young child called Martin . Damn, there goes the bonus point.

Selecta 6-4 ICU

Singles no 5. Warrior stick Maurice Gibb. Gibb is playing well and easily outscores Warrior, despite Devastating chanting the warrior song from the terraces. 3 times the former Bee Gee is within a millimetre of hitting d8, but on his first realistic checkout opportunity warrior lucks out on 18 - 9, 1 and d4 in three darts. Selecta win the match!

Selecta 7-4 ICU

Singles no 6. Kenergy v Jake. With the match secure but the 10-3 bonus point already lost, we watch Ken win with a D2 while putting it to the floor to guess Kenergy's age. Some say 30, some 35, some 50. He's without age, like a giant hairy American Redwood tree..

Selecta 8-4 ICU

Captain's match. I can't remember this one as I was distracted by some filthy talk by Richard about how a woman in the bar has 'load bearing eyebrows'. Dave lost 1-2 and didn't make a 110 checkout for that badly needed bonus point.

Selecta 8-5 ICU

Just a reminder...

2005-11-10T14:41:00.000Z

..of where Devastating gets his inspiration.

The Gigolo has not forgotten about you...the 17 bull finish will return...one day soon

Pub Report: The Angel, Soho

2005-11-10T13:03:00.000Z

haha, this report was done months ago, but then the dog ate it. and with a sleeping baby, i will now attempt to stick it up again. Good timing what with the death of the dartboard in the new IC "cafe".

One thursday long long ago, an expedition was mounted from the mighty dneg on behalf of the Selecta. Expeditionaries (or expediters, i'm not sure) were Bags, Kenergy, Houses, and yours truly, the mighty Crisp.

The pub is conveniently located somewhere beyond soho, near Centre Point. When we were there it was lunchtime, and there was a jolly total of 4 people there, barman included. Our initial impression was that the beers on offer were slightly odd, but the plethora of crisp flavours more than made up for this mishap. 4 pints of Samuel Smiths Bitter and 8 packs of crisps later, we went to find the board. And what a location! Right beside the jacksy. Oh well, there did seem to be a huge array of trophies above the board (i think the notice board showed their team played in a league on a tuesday), and a weird poster with their in-house B-Team and their ridiculous names - Martin Spearchucker and so on. Amateurs.

After a bit of nearest the bull, the teams became Bags and Crisp vs Houses and Kenergy. What can only be described as a lacklustre 501, 45 dart finish, with Bags finishing on a Madhouse. Although if you look closely, there was a huge crisp-fueled 113 in there, two triple 18s and a 5 which was dangerously close to triple 20... this throw shall henceforth be known as a "full crisp", as that is what i was when i threw it - the others wussed out after about 6 crisps each so i polished off the rest myself. Good old Brannigans, you can't fault them for trying, but that ham and mustard flavour just tries too hard.

Anyway, as you can see from jeff's checklist, this was all the necessary criteria examined and appraised, resulting in a whopping 7 out of 10 for the Angel. Solid.

Why Don't you just F**k me up the arse?

2005-11-09T19:20:00.000Z

Following a good start to the league for Selecta and having already thrown down a marker that we are still the Check Out Kings with a 102 outshot from Rampage and 79 from Devastating, Selecta were sitting pretty, tucked just behind the Holland club in the League and threatening the kind of form that saw them storm to 7 bonus points in the league last year:

As we all know though there's two things you can rely on in life:

1) Kenergy keeps his ladies busier than a duracell bunny (a sex toy duracell bunny that is)

2) The fat boys will always complain

Today Devastating received this email:

At the end of the last season the fat boys proposed during the Captains Meeting that the checkout level be raised as being able to check out a finish in two darts did not deserve a bonus point. Unfortunately for Selecta Darts Democracy is not decided by who has the best looking Captain, it comes down to size of belly. With the changes the table now looks like this: (those of a nervous disposition please avert your eyes)

Now this makes today a serious bad day, but then Devastating receives another email:

As Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap would say 'Man that is f*cked up!'
But sadly for Sam his next leap won't be the leap to a darts home.

So here we are, no bonus points and we've lost our second darts home in as many seasons. Then it hit me, it's the ninth of November or in UK calendar terms 9/11. Now Losing the world trade center was tough for the Yanks, but at least they still had somewhere to play darts.

Comments below:

FORTRESS SELECTA

2005-11-04T11:05:00.000Z

Second Winter League Match – Vs. Arrows at the Holland Club
November 3, 2005

Twos (301 best of 3)

Kenergy & Warrior vs. Ian & Amanda
Despite early ton from Ian, the opening leg went to madhouse, where Selecta took it.
Strong finishing from Ian saw Arrows recover to take the next two legs, and the game.

0-1

Rampage & Houses vs Mike & Mike
First leg was a war of attrition that Rampage won for Selecta with a D2. Despite some heavy hitting from Rampage, Selecta conceded leg two. But the unstoppable Rampage nailed the third leg and won the game.

1-1

Devastating Dave & Where’s Oli? vs Gerry & Joe
Devastating and Where’s were diabolical in the first leg, racking up more breakfasts than a greasy spoon chef. Thankfully, however, they were both using Rampage’s magic darts. Where’s set the high and low in the second leg, hitting a 2 and a 77. Devastating checked out to win. In the third, Selecta took an early lead and Oli checked out to clinch the game.

2-1

Singles (401)

One singles match was played early to allow an Arrows player to leave early.

Rampage vs. Ian
This clash of the darts titans was easily the highlight of the evening. In one corner: the one and only Rampage, the Theirry Henry of Selecta, with his magic darts. In the other, Ian, the Roy Keane of Arrows. After a cagey opening, both players got down into checkout territory. With 127 on the board, Ian attempted an audacious T20 17 Bull checkout, hitting the outer ring with his third dart to leave 25. A lesser player would be intimidated by such boldness, but not Rampage, who immediately answered by nailing a phenomenal 101 checkout, earning a bonus point for the club and man of the match plaudits for himself.

3-1

Sixes (1001)

Rampage’s stunning victory boosted the Selecta morale, and the golden boys were inspired to put up some hefty numbers during the sixes. Arrows never got close as the Selecta onslaught dropped 60-plus score after 60-plus score on them – Warrior hit a ton. By the time Selecta checked out, Arrows still had 293 on the board – actually a flattering scoreline. Selecta were on a roll.

4-1

Threes (601)

Where’s Oli?, Rampage, Houses vs. Amanda, Gerry, BP
Selecta won this tightly-fought match, despite some strong darts from Gerry and some psychological warfare from Amanda. Where’s Oli proved a mercurial talent, hitting a fat 121 among a series of sub-30 scores. Rampage took the checkout to win the game.

5-1

Devastating Dave, Warrior, Kenergy vs. Joe, Mike T, James
Just when it was starting to look like a rout, Arrows dug in and started the fight back, winning this game.

5-2

Singles (401)

Selecta went into the singles needing two wins from five to seal the match.

Where’s Oli vs James
James made short work of Where’s Oli, now playing without the magic darts.

5-3

Houses vs Gerry
Gerry stepped up with some sharp darts.

5-4

Warrior vs Mike T
Brown trousers time for the Selecta boys. Would they surrender the lead? Not on Warrior’s watch!

6-4

Kenergy vs Amanda
On “match point”, Kenergy showed Arrows what the Selecta boys are made of, rocking a 71 checkout to win the match. COME ON SELECTA!

7-4

Devastating Dave vs Joe
Dave won jammily.

8-4

Captain’s match (301 best of 3)

Devastating Dave vs James
In a tight match marred only by some crowd trouble caused by Where’s Oli?’s drunken score-keeping, Dave came from one leg down to win the game, posting some phenomenal checkouts.
T20 T16 Outer bull – 133 checkout, bonus point.
And then:
T20 1 D7

IMPERIAL SELECT WIN 9-4

Winter Weeks

2005-11-01T10:46:00.000Z

First Winter League match vs Weeks at the Holland Club
October 27th 2005

Sixes (1001)
A gentle warm up set the scene for the rest of the match. Select cruise to an early lead with a 121 personal best from Magneto. Houses checks out with a 16, d8
1-0 to Selecta

Threes (601)
Rampage, Bags, Warrior
121 from Rampage and a d9 checkout from Bags
2-0

Devastating, Magneto, Houses
Devastating on form with a d2 checkout
3-0

Twos (301 best of 3)
First up: Rampage and Houses... lost 2 straight
3-1

Bags and Magneto
A plucky 90 from Bags was no match for Slaag's 3 dart (64) checkout.
Second leg: 140 high-score-of-the-match from Weeks should have put our duo in a match-losing position... and it did.
3-2

Warrier & Devastating
Warrior showed superb consistancy aiming for the wire and hitting it 3 times in a row. Eventually winning a battle of the Madhouses. First leg to Select.
Meanwhile Houses and Magneto proved that even with degrees from Oxford, subtraction is a complicated affair... unless Devestating is at the oche notching up his 3 dart record: 1; almost repeated it the next go: 7, but then showed the full gamut of his skills with a 19,20,d20 checkout.
4-2 to Select

Singles (401)
Rampage vs Bodger
Rampage back on form with a classy d2 checkout.
5-2

Houses vs Slaag
afer making his claim for the low score with a 3, Houses shows his true form with a 115... bust. Another 3-dart (94) checkout from the Slaag only rubs it in.
5-3

Bags vs Flame ...more like Bags on Fire again:
started with a Shanghai 80, followed up with a 66. A 3 dart checkout folied by the wire momentairily phased our hero, but he regained his composure to win with a d4.
6-3

Devestating vs Helix
Helix still shakey after a run-in with the grumpy bar manager.
7-3
Warrior vs Zulu A reenactment of the film, with Warrior taking the part of Michael Caine spanked Zulu off the oche with a 138 opening salvo and finished him off with a d2 bullet in the head. Checkout.
8-3

Magneto vs ManWhore
Mmmm Breakfast. Best meal of the day. But please no, not three in a row!
Cheque Please.
8-4

Captains Match (301 best of 3)
Devestating vs ManWhore
Weeks: 2 legs to 1
Final score: 8-5

First Week's Table

2005-10-28T13:03:00.000+01:00

Match report by Magneto (newly christened Naked) to follow

Winter Fixtures Announced

2005-10-21T14:47:00.000+01:00

Here are the early fixtures for the Winter League.

Please note that our matches will be on Thursday rather than Monday. But hopefully we will be back to Monday soon after.

Lord of the Board!

2005-10-18T15:54:00.000+01:00

Last night saw Select's first practice night in about a year at the Horse & Groom pub!

To give the night a competitive edge Devastating designed a crown for a one night only Lord of the Board.

The evening also saw new team appearances by Ryan and Tori which will surely get the opposition worried that an already mighty (at drinking) team has signed new players for next season! Especially when we give them proper darts names.

Once we had scared off another group of punters from using the board (by sitting a long way away and sideways glancing menancingly) the arrows began!

We had a quick 8 player knockout that was good fun but we all let Dave win so he could keep his crown and not go home crying... :-)

The Quest for the Golden Chalice

2005-09-29T22:20:00.000+01:00

There would be three parts to Monday night's entertainment; three matches to decide whether we walk home empty-handed, or clutching the spoils of victory; tonight we play for The Championship.

First off, it's ICSelect vs Artsans.

There's a bull-off to decide who plays in the singles: closest to the bull is Kenergy, followed by Devastating, then Warrior, Bags, Rampage and Houses. So that's Rampage and Houses out of it.

Singles:

Warrior vs Shorty
Tedi gets off to a good start, winning the bull-off. The game is close on the way down, but Tedi claims a decisive double 4 finish.

Bags vs Dave Parry
Bags is closest the bull. Bags plays well, getting some 80's and 90's, and finishing on madhouse to claim our second victory of the night.

Devastating vs Gerry
Gerry is closest bull. A high-scoring game (Dave scoring 135 on the way down) with a close finale, but Dave scraped a double 9 just clear of the wire to make it 3-0 to the Select.

ICS are still trying to work out the rules at this point:
Devastating: "Is it bull to decide the chalker?"
Gerry: "Dave, it's the last game of the season!"
Devastating: "That's our tactic - we never learn the rules"
Gerry: "That's why you always come second."

Kenergy vs Si
Ken starts. Very close on the way down. Si scrapes a victory for Artisans with a double 16 finish.

Fours:

Rampage, Houses, Warrior, Bags vs. four of artisans' best.
Rampage is closest bull. We get off to a strong start, but then a 4 from Tedi, followed next round by a 2 from Bags sees the game even up. As the game draws to a finale, Rampage gets the inspiration he needs - Spurs scores a goal on the telly. Rampage lifts his game to claim the the match for Selecta with a double 10 finish!

NEXT MATCH - Captain's tournament

Dave vs. Duncan (RCS)
best of 3, straight in.
Duncan wins the play-off, and leads on the way down. But Dave fights back to take the first leg with a double 10 finish.

Dave makes a storming start on the next leg, getting 125 in the first round. Duncan follows with an impressive 174. The game progresses quickly, with Duncan stealing victory with a double 2.

Devastating attacks the final leg with a vengeance. He's on madhouse while Duncan's on 130. A couple of rounds later and the game is his, as is the match.

We move to the Union, where they've been expecting us...

The captain's tournament continues:

Dave vs.Ian

Ian hit 180 in practice. Impressive. Apparently one of the Southside players told Staggy (Southside captain) she'd let him feel her breasts if he hits 180 in a match. In darts, anything can happen!

First leg: The game quickly sees both players on doubles. Dave is on the wire on double 7, but Ian finishes first, with a double 16 on the first dart.

Second leg: A great performance from Devastating, winning the game on double 2 and levelling the match.

Third leg: Another fast game. Dave maintains a lead on the way down, but Ian gets a bull to leave 8, and not long afterwards he finishes with a double 2, winning the game, the match and the captain's cup. Understandably, Devastating was devastated.

NEXT MATCH: ICSelect vs. HollandClub

Another bull-off to decide who plays in the singles. It's Warrior vs Houses. Both darts land outside the treble ring! Ted wins by a whisker. Rampage mutters something about a dead rubber.

Fours:

Houses, Bags, Warrior, Devastating vs four from HC
Bags closes down on double 4.

Pairs:

Houses, Devastating vs two from HC
The game goes all the way to madhouse. Devastating gets it in.
"Well played Houses!" said Dave "... no, hold on - you were rubbish!" Well, it wasn't my best performance, I'll admit :-p

Bags, Ken vs. one HC plus Gerry
Hold on! Gerry? Didn't we play him earlier? Turns out HC is short of a player, so Gerry stands in, but that means it's an automatic win for Select. Despite that, Bags and Ken lose.

Bags vs. someone
My note-taking is deteriorating at this stage, as is Bags' sobriety. "He's so pissed he can't even walk!" exclaims Warrior. Yet he still manages to throw stylish darts, getting double 20 and double 13 to leave 16, but HC somehow manages to get in there first with a double 4.

Warrior vs Heather
Tedi wins us the match with a double tops finish, 1st dart!

That means Selecta has won the cup!!!

Select take the Cup!

2005-09-27T17:17:00.000+01:00

In a dramatic (and very drunken) evening last night. ICSelect emerged victorious in this year's SKADL Summer Cup.

Match reports to follow by Houses later. But in the meantime here's a victory picture!

Crisp's Last Supper

2005-09-18T23:33:00.000+01:00

Friday saw the last day at D Neg for Crisp.

In true Crisp fashion his final lunch time meal was an 8oz burger, Fat chips & a chocolate milkshake. Respect!

Best of wishes for the future from all of Select Gav!

A fully deserved week off for Select

2005-09-18T23:03:00.000+01:00

With Select reaching the Semis of the Summer Cup and it's captain Devastating reaching the equivalent stage of the Captains' tourney, Select get a Monday off to prepare for next week's big games.

So in the meantime here's some pictures from recent matches yet to published...

Davastating's nemesis Helen (who incidentally is a girl) is unconcerned as she later storms back to pinch victory!

Rampage, Kenergy & Warrior relax and enjoy some good darts (probably thrown by the opposistion).

Dave prepares for battle.

Pure concentration... that's magic darts!

Magneto, Houses and a guest appearance by the lovely Em to support her man Devastating.

Head to De Hems

2005-09-16T17:44:00.000+01:00

If you are still looking for something to do tonight, it's Crisps last day at double neg as he's going on paternity leave, so he's having some beers in De hems on Macclesfield street.

http://www.viewlondon.co.uk/info_pubbar_maps_1099.html

It's a great bar and it should be a large one as Crisp has to give up booze after tonight, as it will affect his breast milk.

See you there, mine's a baileys!

Selecta for the cup? It's just not cricket

2005-09-14T15:46:00.000+01:00

The magic of the cup was in the air in the Holland Club Monday night. For the minnows it was a chance to take on some of the tuna (panini's?) of the IC league. Selecta had been drawn against
Cricketers who more than lived up to their name by actually being AT the cricket and arriving late. Ian, their Captain, could barely walk, but had a a great tan, in fact an all over body tan, which he could not quite explain:

When they did arrive they only had "a pair" though which led to some hasty negotiations, some teams (mentioning no names, you fat bastards) would have claimed the win had a fag and gone home, not Selecta however who always like to make sure that darts is the winner. A quick throw for the bull and 3 players had been (much to Ricky Pontings annoyance) substituted onto
the Cricketers team, Houses, Warrior and Magneto making the jump.

Game 1: Fours 701, Single in. Rampage, Devastating, Bags & Psyche

A nervous opening by both teams with darts pitching randomly before finding that trusted line and length saw Selecta just about maintain a lead a get to a checkout first before Nick stepped in and hit a beauty straight into the middle of the double at the first attempt, to quote Bags "shit". Cricketers 1, Select 0

Game 2: Doubles 501, Single in. Devastating & Psyche vs Ian & Warrior.

A game of solid good scoring by both teams particularly Devastating and Ian saw both
teams at the boundary ring quickly, all missed chances before Selecta repeatedly halved the score to x2 and found the double. Cricketers 1, Selecta 1

Game 3: Doubles 501 Single in. Kenergy & Bags vs. Houses & Nick.

A bit of a loosener for all concerned although there were some mutterings about bad light
before Kenergy decided to add some excitement with a non orthodox spin on the 30 Checkout. Double 2 then double 13 saw Selecta edge ahead. Cricketers 1, Selecta 2

Game 4: Singles 301, Single in. Rampage vs. Magneto.

The first singles game of the night also saw the first all Selecta duel, more than just the score at
stake in this one. Another close game on the way down with both players throwing in a mix of good and average scores, Rampage managed to step ahead toward the end before quickly taking double 4 on the inside edge of the wire. Cricketers 1, Selecta 3

Game 5: Singles 301, Single in. Psyche vs. Ian.

The Selecta man hit a lot of good scores all through the game but Ian was in inspired form showing the qualities of an all rounder, big scores, the pick of which was a 132, and deadly finishing, x16 first dart. Cricketers 2, Selecta 3

Game 6: Singles 301, Single in. Bags vs. Nick.

Not a lot to say about this one, other than both players will learn from the experience, as will the Selecta note takers - take notes on ALL games. With the series already decided by this point both players played for pride. Not sure who won, I vaguely remember Bags shouting "yes" and punching the air, might have been a win, might have a text from the bag lady. Cricketers 2, Selecta 4 and the matchaahhhhhhh.

Game 7: Singles 301, Single in. Kenergy vs. Houses.

Another all Selecta tie was a tense close affair with both players more concerned with not losing than winning. Kenergy again found his bounce at the end, double 8 wiggle wiggle. Cricketers 2, Selecta 5.

Captains Match

Devastating vs. Ian. 301 best of 3.

The Devastating start was anything but, whilst Ian raced ahead. Some pride was restored with a near century checkout which put the worries on Ian who came back and put a slider into D5. Ian 1 - Devastating 0.

A much better start from the Selecta captain this time (83) opened up a neck and neck race to the finish, both left x16 but with Ians awesome finishing Devastating had to hit it quick, he did. Ian 1 - Devastating 1

To a one leg shoot out for the game, Ian with a good start 85, the response 13, the nick name is gonna fast become deviating. Ian flew towards a finish with a big 125 to leave double 16 with Devastating still back in the changing room (like a 12th man) in the 200's. Ian, with time
on his side missed all 3 at x16, Devastating could smell a chance and hit a big 63 to add pressure, Ian steps up for x8, misses again, could Dave grab victory from the jaws of defeat? No. Ian squeaked home the double 8. 2-1 Ian Wins.

At this stage in the evening Rampage left the building missing Deavastatings two Captain's wins over Staggy and Heather (yes he actually beat a girl) to take him into the semi-finals. The draw was made and Dev drew the Captain of the Fat Boys, on hearing the good news Devastating turned confidently to the crowd "Wh wh wh wh Wipe Out."

So not a bad night all in all, pound-a-pint and Selecta progress nicely in the tournament, surely no-one would bet against them securing another second place. Also, how could I forget, England won the ashes as well, cricket totally slipped my mind. To celebrate another picture of Ian.

Select are Summer Runners Up!

2005-09-12T13:18:00.000+01:00

With the summer league now over. Here are the (almost) complete final standings...

*Summer League Final Standings*
Team	Played	Matches Won	Legs Won	Legs Lost	Difference
Holland Club	10	8	47	23	24
IC Select	9	6	35	28	7
ORCS	10	6	34	36	-2
StuBs	10	4	33	37	-4
Cricketers	9	4	28	35	-7
Artisans	10	1	26	44	-18

Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts, beer

Quick plug

2005-09-12T13:15:00.000+01:00

Hi, this is Where's Oli?, my rock band is on XFM Unsigned this Tuesday night and there's an internet voting thing related to it - if you have 10 secs click the link below and vote for AWFUL SPARKS -

http://www.xfm.co.uk/Article.asp?id=94145

all of our songs are actually secretly about darts, so it's in your interest!

cheers everyone,
Where's Oli?

Tags: london, rock, imperial, darts, music

Can selecta do the double dutch?

2005-09-06T12:49:00.000+01:00

With our loss to Stubs effectively handing the Holland Club the league and qualification for European matches off the cards there was nothing really left to play for. With heads hung low Selecta made the short trip over to the HC. Nothing washes away the pain of defeat like the prospect of £1 a pint and hot nuts.

Having beaten the Holland Club, a team for so long untouchable, twice in a row now, Selecta had reason to be confident. Weighing that against the fact that we were playing like girls, in fact worse than girls, having been humiliated by Helen already tonight. We were playing more at the level of a pigmy Walrus and tonight Jeff was looking like one.

Before the match could begin Devastating and Tim, the HC Captain had to throw nearest bull, to decide home advantage and most importantly who had to chalk the match. Devastating as usual devastated, the floor that is, his throw landing a foot in front of him. It was a risky tactic, especially as he left Tim with a foot gap in which to drop his dart into and therefore force us to chalk. Tim managed to scrape the wire of the outer bull to take home advantage. Chalking duties avoided for another week the selecta team undid their belts an extra notch and let it all hang out.

The Fours: 801, single in, double out.
Devastating, Houses, Bags and Psyche

The team weren't looking too bad on the way down, keeping in pace with the HC, who were trying to exploit their home advantage. In typical HC style though, the first double they get to they take, D10.
HC 1 ICS 0

The Doubles: 601, single in, double out.
Devastating and Houses

They were drawn against an old bird (Joan) and a gambling addict (Tom), on paper this would be a close on, Selecta should edge it though.

On the way down Select are appalling, Debastating narrowly avoids his third breankfast (26) in a row by cleverly hitting 21 and the HC stretch to a 200 lead racing down to their double. But when there's something wrong in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? Houses. In safeas fashion he pulls a 66 to draw us near to a finish, not a huge score I admit, but it turned the tide and put pressure on the other team. Devastating, playing like a cricket with a cricket bat up his arse, hits the five to leave him a double 16, bumph; he scores his highest score of the match so far 37. When you're playing this badly and you're still winning it has to be happy days.
HC1 ICS1

Rampage and Warrior

Rampage announces to the group that he has a date on Thursday, the resulting shock seems to knock the Holland Club off their game. Richard quickly sketched a drawing of her. Nice work Tricky. Not wanting to mislead the Holland Club into the belief that Select are any good, Warrior and Rampage adopt a snails pace on the way down. Once again the HC reach the double first and Select pick it up a gear and Rampage left on his favourite double, 32 he didn't need a second invitation. Rampage leans over the oche announcing'I'm the king of the world.' HC 1 ICS 2

The Singles: 401, double in, double out

Rampage

Looking down the list of HC players in the singles, it was going to be a tough ask to win 2 of the 4 matches and ensure victory. Rampage was up first taking on a favourite with the kiddies - Animal. As usual Animal was playing well and putting in a few big scores, but as we all know when you're a descendent of a long line of Cockney Chimney Sweeps, you can take the heat. Undistracted by Animals javelin chucker throwing style Rampage steps up, hits T18 and follows with a D10, to give Select a healthy lead and the highest outshot of the nigh 74.
HC 1 ICS 3

Warrior

With the chance to win the match for Selecta and aware that the writter of this report was a little drunk by the end and growing tired of writing such a lengthy match report, Warrior quickly beat Tom, taking the match with a classic double tops.
HC 1 ICS 4

Bags

Bags was on fire tonight.

And as we know anything fueled with as muich alcohol as Bags is set to explode. Having built up a healthy lead on the way down, Bags couldn't quite find the winning double and the HC clambered back and eventualy won with a D9.
HC 2 ICS 4

Psyche

Psyche played well from the start, but was drawn against Tim, the HC Captain and arguably the best player in the league. Having played throw for throw on the way down, Tim open up a slight gap and when left with 64, took the last game with a classic 16, 16, 32.

HC 3 ICS 4

Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts, beer

Stub'd Out!

2005-09-06T11:30:00.000+01:00

True to Select's crazy form this Summer League we once again managed a fine defeat against a team desperate to achieve our greatness - Stubs!

In what should have been a "straight-forward" match before the harder test vs The Holland Club later in the evening Select crashed to a 4-3 defeat at a busy Union bar. To make matters worse the match was in front of two other league teams. Will they gain confidence for next week's cup match as a result or will Select stay strong...

The Bull-Off

Rampage hit the mark (good skills). Followed by Bags, Warrior, Devastating & Magneto in order of closeness.

Singles

The match was re-ordered due to slackness on the other team not having enough members at the start. However, the tardy Helen was leter to be a star player for them causing Devastating to LOSE TO A GIRL in a very embarrassing defeat for the "Turntable Slave".

Rampage was first up though and after a week off was on fire getting his double in very quickly. His opponent Staggy only managed to get in just before Tricky finished on the D4.

1-0

In a reverse of the first game, Bags rushing to finish his first pint is just not able to shake off his soberness in time and this time it is Stiggy who wins for Stubs with his first dart at the D12 after Bags finally manages to get in scoring a mighty 39 ... errr....

1-1

In a close game Warrior was up against Anthony. Both players got to their doubles however after a few sets of throws each it was the Stubs player who picks off the double.

1-2

The singles shame is completed by our captain. Devastating lives up to his name by getting in quickly and then getting down to the D20 just as Helen has only just got in. However, some unlucky double's shots leaves Dave in the MH and Helen catches up to grab the victory!

1-3

Fours

With the pressure on Select knew that something had to be pulled out of the bag. Quite what, nobody knew... maybe a pie?

Rampage, Bags, Psyche (coming in to the match late) & Magneto stepped up for the fours. Good work was made on the way down with Select going ahead by 200 or so. However, Stubs pulled the gap back and Stiggy got the double first dart again!

Shocked faces on the Select team could be seen... had we really just lost again? There was only one thing for it: More Crisps (and mini Cheddars)

1-4

Pairs

With only pride left to fight for it was time for Rampage & Magneto vs Staggy & Stiggy.

Some fine play by Magneto (the magnetic dart board practice had clearly played off) and the usual Rampage skills meant that Stubs best pairing were kept honest. Select were down second by a small margin but Rampage pulled off a fine D5 to take the game.

2-4

The second pairs were Houses (another late arrival) & Devastating vs Anthony & Helen. With pressure mounting on Dave to not lose a second time in one night to a girl a tense game ensued. However, Dave saved himself and the team's pride with a D3 to get the scoreline respectable.

3-4

And with that it was time to down our pints and rush off to the HC for our second match of the evening...

Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts, beer

From Southside to the Best Bar Bar none?

2005-08-24T14:56:00.000+01:00

Most people by now know that our beloved bar Southside, is in the process of being pulled down and with it our Darts Selectadium.

The shity of Milton Kenyes has already expressed an interest in relocating the team, but discussions broke down. The bag lady summed up the situation "I spend my squalered life sat in my own piss, having to lick my cats for food and rely on Jeff and his busy hands for entertainment, why on earth would I want to move to Milton Keynes?"

The challenge for the Selecta boys now is to find a new bar worthy of their aeronautical skills and the memory of Southside bar. So they have taken it upon themselves to review a bar each and scientifically assess the best darts bar in london.

Selection criteria so far includes:

Range of bar snacks including pork scratchings, mini cheddars, scampi fries, bacon fries, hot nuts and most importantly crisps.
Range of strangely name beers and accesibilty to 'The Nations Finest' Carlsberg.
Quality of sports arena, including lighting, scoreboard quality, space and general chearleadability.
Friendliness and attractiveness/availability of bar staff.
Whether they will provide food for matches.
Availability of board on Monday nights
Price.

Please feel free to add further categories as a comment.

The list of pubs are:

The plan is to post a review of each of these pubs, so please select one from the list and email me which assigned you have acccepted to ensure no duplications. To remind you of the high standard we expect from our new bar, here is a picture of Roger receiving the runner-up award in the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) ‘Club of the Year’ 2005 competition, shortly before the bar was pulled down.

Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts, beer

Match Report: Bitter defeat to league losers leaves Select wondering what was in those pork scratchings

2005-08-23T15:01:00.000+01:00

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

Last night IC Select's championship bid took a heavy blow from summer league minnows, The Artisans. Only by the defeat of favorites The Holland Club elsewhere, and a victory over the same team by ICS in the return match, can Selecta now stake a claim at the title. This, despite taking a 3-0 lead in a contest of two distinct halves, is great disappointment to a team that was sitting pretty even without their talismanic Essex boy and most consistent arrows man, Rampage, who was absent due to a thigh injury. Following a convincing win over ORCS the previous week, Select lost momentum into the singles round after Devastating drew against their captain and strongest player, Gerry. Had the draw gone some other way, Dave would surely have won us the single deciding leg needed to seal the match. It wasn't to be. Dave was tardy with his double in, and though made a valiant effort to catch up, scoring a 121 match best, the opposition captain made quick work of his finishing and brought his advantage home. Poor performances by Houses, Warrior and then Bags followed, each player going close on the finish, but none close enough. Warrior's disappointment was palpable, especially with his three dart average of 26.32, a poor tally given 18 consecutive hours of practice on the previous day. Not even in the bottom of his Beef and Tomato pot noodle later in the evening did he find comfort.

Game by game breakdown:

The team: Devastating, Houses, Bags, Warrior, Psych. Kenergy was also absent because he was 'sore from having so much hot sex'. Either that, or from gratuitous pom-pom activity.

0-0

Fours: Houses misses this one out, though it should have been Warrior due to a mix up on the nearest-the-bull play ordering.

Select dominate, Devastating hitting D2 out while the opponents aren't even on a realistic finish and floundering in the mid hundreds. Confidence oozed from our very pores, except for Bags, who's pores oozed something completely different.

1-0

Doubles 1: Devastating & Psych

Another dominant performance, especially from Dave, who hits 60, then 80, then 100 in consecutive visits to the board. He finished with D2 again. Cool, efficient stuff. Jeff's former lover, the well known Imperial Bag Lady from whom Jeff takes his nickname, was spotted around the venue at this point in the match but we managed to lure her away with a stick of pepperami.

2-0

Double 2: Bags & Houses

A closer match, both teams allowed attempts at a finish. Select start feeling a little nervous until Bags stands up and finishes a niner when the pressure was on: 3, miss, D3.

3-0

ICS lead 3-0 into the singles rounds and celebrate with a packet of pork scratchings, salted peanuts, mini cheddars and salt and vinegar crisps.

Singles 1: Devastating v Gerry

An unlucky draw, with ICS requiring just one more game to seal the match, our player showing the best form, and who would surely have cleaned up with any other member of the opposition, draws the competent Jerry as opponent. Dave struggles with his double-in while Jerry gets a lucky break and steams ahead. After finally getting his double top, Devastating rapidly catches with a 121, but doesn't get a finish before Jerry sinks him with yet another D2.

3-1

Singles 2: Houses v Amanda

It seemed like Houses had necked about 8 pints of Kookaburra ale by this stage of the evening and his darts weren't as safe as we're used to. Added to the pressure of trying to finish off the match, Houses was drawn against a female. A mixture of erratic and accurate arrows from both players leaves them both approaching a finish at the same time. Houses went close on a D12 but somehow Amanda made one of her darts go in the right place and - guess what - her D2 finish scuppers Houses and his masculinity takes a bigger hammering since his mum brought his sandwiches into work for him.

3-2, cumon Warrior!

Singles 3: Warrior v Dave

Warrior's opponent Dave was looking shaky in the 4s match, but suddenly he begins the game with a set of 3 doubles. D20, D18 and D1. Warrior is relieved to hit D7 in his following throw, but needs to catch up. Frustratingly he consistently hits 1 instead of 20, probably due to practicing in the crosswind of his back garden training zone. Both players eventually are attempting doubles, Warrior just missing a D16 with a D8, but then hitting 11 near the bull with a dart that can only be described as 'shit'. Both players again go close on their doubles but end up on madhouse. After 3 trips to the board, the nearest-the-bull rule is invoked. Warrior treads the ockey and felt the dart leave his hand true and straight. True for straight for treble 3. His opponent merely needs to get the dart inside the trebles ring and easily does so. Warrior goes into the toilets and beats up a hand towel dispenser in frustration.

3-3

Jeff's giant fore-arm and spade-like hand are a distinct advantage in the game of darts...

Singles 4: Bags v Simon

The score standing at 3-3 and all the momentum with the Artisans, Bags needs to do something special in what now amounts to a match decider. No advantage was taken on the double-in as both players made it with their second throw, and so it continued with Bags lagging, but only slightly, due to a large number of breakfasts (26 scored). Bags must've been hungry. Just falling short of D2 several times, maybe Jeff needed a few more mini cheddars as his energy, his joie de vivre, faltered at the last moment. His opponent sunk a D12 finish and IC Select were left to reflect on opportunities missed.

3-4 (bastard)

These women from The Aritisans complained that we took their picture without permission, so I've published it here.

The evening concluded with discussions about a venue for the winter league and a tankard for our intra team crowns: Champion and Most Improved Player. I've got my eye on the latter, and weeks of training in the garden will surely make her mine. Finally we've included a snap of the scoreboard, indicating to the bottom left that Psych scored a pitiful '1', though he claims the darts bounced on the treble 20 wire twice.

Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts, beer

Whats Going on in Fiji Darts

2005-08-22T15:27:00.000+01:00

I've always wanted to go to Fiji. Apparently its heaven on Earth. They also play darts!

Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts

Angela Hits the Beeb in the name of Darts

2005-08-16T13:33:00.000+01:00

Originally uploaded by .

As world renowned as IC Select is, Angela 'Arrowsmith' Buttolph has lifted the bar in a drive to launch Selecta into the mainstream.

Tomorrow night, 8.30pm on BBC2, Angela is hosting the first show of her new series. 'A Week of Dressing Dangerously.'

The show seeks to change peoples lives by changing the clothes they wear - in a radical way.

For those who know Angela, the most glamerous of the ICSelecta team (and that includes 'look at my academy award, red-raw kenergy'), it makes sense that she is presenting a fashion based lifestyle show.

I can reveal exclusively though that the show is in fact a metaphor for darts. The transorfmations that happen on the show mimicking the way the your game improves after just 3 pints of the nations finest.

Good Luck from Selecta, we'll be tuning in and any style tips you can give for Jeff will be much appreciated.

Tags: Angela Buttolph, london, sport, fashion, darts, bbc

Devastating Dave

2005-08-16T12:21:00.000+01:00

Devastating
Originally uploaded by devastatingdave.

Match Report: Revenge is sweet against the Fatboys

2005-08-16T12:06:00.000+01:00

Last night saw the return leg of the summer league ICS vs ORCS battle. After their unbelieveably lucky victory over us in the first match (due to the fact that our team hadn't played for 3 months and had forgotten how to throw) last night's match that went right to the time limit and saw a fine 6-1 victory for Select.

A dubious start

We were late 'ockying off (a ploy to get us all too drunk to play me thinks - especially as the HC had a £1 a pint offer going!) Little do they know though that Select are probably more skilled the drunker we get - especially Devastating Dave. Anyway, the most exciting part of the match was first up - that's right choosing our team via the bull off! And there was a bit of an upset with Rampage (current Select champion) not featuring in the singles. The Eastender took it well though and diverted his anger through his throwing hand for the games ahead. With the rest of the team worried about the loss of Rampage from the singles we finally got underway...

Fours

We all know the rule: We lose this game - we lose the match. We win this game - we win the match but sometimes we still lose the match. :-)
Rampage, Bags, Houses and Warrior trailed on the way down with a mixture of skill, however we caught up and a long doubles battle saw Warrior taking the D4 checkout.

1-0

Pairs

First up were Devastating & Warrior. However, due to Dave not drinking enough we lost the match. As ever Tedi tried to carry him but it's hard to win with such a bad partner - as we all know.

1-1

Next up were Rampage & Houses. What can I say? "Safe as" was on checkout fire last night. A first dart D19 saw Houses take the win with Rampage putting in same solid scores as we all know and love. A fine victory that saw Devastating start the first song for the night courtesy of Madness "Welcome to the House of fun...."

2-1

Singles

Warrior was first up in the singles in what proved to be the most controversial (and funny) match of the night. Basically in a bizarre episode that saw Tedi stuck on trying to get a 3 to get on a checkout for ages that skillfully fooled his opponent into ending up on Mad House (MH) before he himself ended up on MH a new rule for the summer league was invoked: Both players were then allowed only 3 throws at the D1 before going closest to the Bull. This seemed to upset his oppenent "Rant Boy" (Good to see ORCS using their proper names for the match) who then stood there and declared to the whole crowd after they had been quietened down that he did not agree with ending a darts game in this manner! He then appeared to "not have the best throw I've ever seen" at the Bull and Tedi had a fine victory. A rather amused look on Devastating's face summed it all up!
This game also saw a new song created (to the same tune as used for Vieira when he was at Arsenal - I can't remember the actual name of the proper song!)
"War - ri - or, Whoa - o - a"
"War - ri - or, Whoa - o - a"
"He comes from Re - ed - ditch"
"His opponent is his bitch"
"War - ri - or, Whoa - o - a"
"War - ri - or, Whoa - o - a"

3-1

Second up in the singles was Houses. A bit of a slow run-down saw meant Safe-as had to get the checkout as soon as possible and Wallop! First dart on the D17 this time saw another outstanding finish for Houses.

4-1

Devastating was third up. Dave was on storming form on the way down that saw him get to doubles ahead of his opponent. However, not quite enough luck with the checkout saw his opponent catch up. However, Dave summoned up his captain vs captain resilience and pulled it out of the bag. I almost, almost, felt glad for him. ;-)

5-1

Finally Bags was up to play out the last game. With the clock at nearly closing time this game couldn't be a long one. Bags' opponent "Puss in Boots" was in first with Bags checking in immediately afterwards - something that happened in all 4 singles games - Darts is wierd and wonderful! Bags got to a Tops checkout first but just couldn't hit the mark. A nightmare saw both players do the courtesy thing and end up on MH and then go nearest the Bull so we could all go home. Bags hit the Bull for a nice end to the evening's fun.

6-1

Player of the Match: Houses for those two blinding one dart checkouts.

Thanks too to our supporters Rueben & his lovely lady Amanda for cheering us on.

Please comment to correct any report inaccuracies!

Bags

Famous Sid Waddell Quotes from Warrior

2005-08-14T13:04:00.000+01:00

"Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah, Bristow."

"Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete."

"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"

"He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed"

"Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a waterbuffalo with a pea-shooter"

"The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them"

"Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy."

"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline"

"Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out"

"His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry ch.affinch"

"That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."

"It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia."

"His physiognomy is that of a weeping Madonna."

"He's as cool as a prized marrow!"

"Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint."

"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."

"The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome"

"His face is sagging with tension."

"The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board."

"He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends."

"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank"

"As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here."

"He is as slick as minestrone soup"

"There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions."

"The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!"

"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos."

"John Lowe is striding out like Alexander the Great conquering the Persians"

"When I see Steve Davis I see two letters... C S... Cue Sorceror"

"By the time of the final on Sunday he should be fit to burst!"

"There's only one word for that - magic darts!"

"Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!"

"I don't know what he's had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the Snap, Crackle and Pop outta Bristow"

"Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles"

"Steve Beaton - The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax."

"If you're round your auntie's tonight, tell her to stop making the cookie's and come thru to the living room and watch these two amazing athletes beat the proverbial house out of each other"

"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer..... Bristow's only 27."

"Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in Essex."

"If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone home."

"He's playing out of his pie crust."

"They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They'll have to play outta their essence!"

"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength."

"There's no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers... "

"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George is like the Hunchback of Notre Dame."

"He's playing like Robin Hood in the Nottingham super league"

"Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!"

"The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu."

"Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a choo-choo train!"

"He's like D'Artagnan at the scissor factory."

"Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis"

Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts

IC Select for 2012 Olympics?

2005-08-13T21:07:00.000+01:00

Bull's Eye,
originally uploaded by dcinput.

I can confirm that following the decision of the councils of Great Britain and Northern Ireland to recognise Darts as a sport...the British Darts Organistion (BDO) together with darts legends such as Bobby George, are pushing for an Olympic entry for the fantastic sport which is darts.

Olly Croft from the BDO: [full article here]

"As the newest recognised sport, darts, under the guidance of the British Darts Organisation pledges its wholehearted support for the Olympic Games in London and would be proud to be considered as the host nation’s ‘invitation sport’ in 2012"

They have our full support.

So come on guys and girls of IC Select, the time has come to pick up your flights, stems and for gods sake somebody chalk it up...all together now...

"LETS PLAY DARTS!"

Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts

The Sweet Taste of Victory

2005-08-13T20:04:00.000+01:00

Devastating Dave,
originally uploaded by dcinput.

Though we already had one victory post...this one's in glorious technicolour. This was the moment our captain "Devastating" Dave kissed his darts in glory.

Come chaps lets take the summer league by storm...
Tags: london, sport, imperial, darts

Blame Mark

2005-08-09T09:55:00.000+01:00

And so it begins. Following our famous victory over the Holland Club last night and the admittal that Mark 'Psyche' Smith has attended some kind of geek dinner where he met his blogger friends it was decided that IC Select deserved their own Blog.

It can only really go one of two ways:

1) I waste part of my working day writing this blog about our irrelevant darts league that in reality is only read by myself and some lost souls .

2) It becomes one of the most avidly followed blogs in the world, transforming IC Select, the first truly democratic Imperial College dart league team, into the Real Madrid of Darts.

I'll grab my Sarong, I'm heading to Spain daddy.