Selecta glory in victory over ICU kids

Omphaloskepsis - The art of the contemplating one's navel

To whit, the bellybutton? Naked and exposed, this will go down as the match of the hairy umbilicus interruptus, or more specifically, Kenergy's remarkable stomach-Mohawk. As Selecta were under the cosh having made a poor start against a team of youngsters, we exposed our midriffs to determine the order of the bull-off and inadvertently altered the momentum of the match...

The line-up: Devastating, Rampage, Warrior, Houses, Kenergy, Naked (that's Magneto, re-christened after his namesake Jamie Oliver) and Psyche. Bags and his missus were missing while they made plans for their wedding ...



















Round 1: Sixes - Things start off ugly, with Selecta scoring poorly. The youngest of the opposition team - Jake - scores a lowly 1. However, at a mere 5 months old he had a good excuse, unlike the ICS pensioners who were collectively worse. Ben hits a d8 winner for ICUnited. We didn't deserve to win that one, and we didn't win it.

Here's a little piccy of ICUnited, captain Kian third from right:





Selecta 0 - 1 ICU

Round 2: Threes no 1. Dev, Houses & Warrior. What can I say, but 'that was shite'? That was shite - we really need some inspiration. The opposition get a d13 checkout and ICS are looking down the barrel of a 0-2 deficit.

Selecta 0 - 2 ICU

Threes no 2. Naked, Kenergy & Rampage. Much better, we're starting to look like the scoring powerhouse that we know we're not. Rampage hits a ton, Naked an 81 and Kenergy hits 87, despite dropping one of his flights by the fag machine before chucking. Naked checks out with a d12. Apparently this is his first ever check-out- he celebrates by having a pork scratching dipped in shandy.

Selecta 1 - 2 ICU

Psyche turns up late after having sex with his boss. This requires a bull-off to determine who misses out on the doubles matches, but how do we decide the order? Someone shouts 'hairiest bellybutton' and soon we've all got our bellies out. Check out these washboard stomachs:







































































Ken wins by a country mile followed by Naked, Psyche, Houses, Rampage, Warrior and last and least-hairy, a pre-pubescent Devastating. Houses throws a shocker on the nearest-the-bull, so misses out on the doubles ...

Doubles 1. Kenergy & Naked win the first leg with a superb 20, d20 c/o for 60 by Oliver, who's starting to look like the complete player. Sadly his first throw in the following leg is a 2, and the opposition captain Kian checks out to make it 1-1. Kenergy bears the weight of expectation and hits a sweet 50 checkout to win the game.

Selecta 2-2 ICU



Double 2. Warrior & Rampage. This is more like it, Rampage is looking back to his old self and even Warrior scores well to leave a D18 c/o for Ramps. Then the ICU kids hit back with a d4 finish making it 1-1. But what's this in the third leg? Warrior is at the ockey on 64 and Rampage advises that he goes for 16s instead of 20s. Warrior heeds these words and hits 16,16 and d16 for a pb c/o.

Selecta 3-2 ICU

Double 3. Devastating and Psyche. Dave is on form now - with 104 left Psyche hits 97. Psyche you wally! That leaves 7, but Devastating checks out with a clinical 3, d2. Good work, Psyche. Next leg Dave hits a 48 c/0, 8, d5, d15. sweet, and all thanks to Psyche's tactics.

Selecta 4-2 ICU















Singles, singles. no1. Devastating looses out when his opponent hits a surprise checkout d11. Dave responds by buying every snack the bar has to offer. Scampi fries! I don't know what the fuck they *are*, but they're good.

Selecta 4-3 ICU

Singles no 2. Essex boy Rampage sporting a new fuzzy hairdo that makes him look almost as young as the ICU players is still in the mix despite it being 10:15 pm. This is because he's driving in his 'motor'. He doesn't drive a car, he drives a 'motor'. He's from Essex. After some tense gamesmanship he defeats Nij with a good d8, and victory nears for ICS.












Selecta 5-3 ICU

















Singles no 3. Psyche draws a girl called Lucy. She's not the strongest player Psyche has come up against, and he's given an eternity to checkout on madhouse but no one is complaining as Selecta near victory and are still on for a bonus point to get us nearer to the Holland club cheats.

Selecta 6-3 ICU

Singles no 4. Though he's unlucky as he goes just the wrong side of the wire on the d8, Houses looses to a young child called Martin . Damn, there goes the bonus point.

Selecta 6-4 ICU




















Singles no 5. Warrior stick Maurice Gibb. Gibb is playing well and easily outscores Warrior, despite Devastating chanting the warrior song from the terraces. 3 times the former Bee Gee is within a millimetre of hitting d8, but on his first realistic checkout opportunity warrior lucks out on 18 - 9, 1 and d4 in three darts. Selecta win the match!

Selecta 7-4 ICU

Singles no 6. Kenergy v Jake. With the match secure but the 10-3 bonus point already lost, we watch Ken win with a D2 while putting it to the floor to guess Kenergy's age. Some say 30, some 35, some 50. He's without age, like a giant hairy American Redwood tree..

Selecta 8-4 ICU

Captain's match. I can't remember this one as I was distracted by some filthy talk by Richard about how a woman in the bar has 'load bearing eyebrows'. Dave lost 1-2 and didn't make a 110 checkout for that badly needed bonus point.

Selecta 8-5 ICU